Sorrow

Arno sits down in his tiny room in Hinë after he has woken up. He has decided to imagine Syrtanyelle lives with him already, that the separation is no longer, and that has brought a lot of warmth to his heart. And when he slept on the side of his bed, leaving enough room for Syrtanyelle to sleep on the other side and imagine watching over one another’s sleep he started laughing uncontrollably. He feels Syrtanyelle so close to him. He sleeps an uneventful night slightly troubled by the past and wakes up in a less cheerful mood in this morning of autumn. And there he decides to pray, to pray for the strife, the unfairness to end, for him and Syrtanyelle and for everyone around. He prays for pardon and forgiveness. He prays for the nightmare to end. And then he realizes he always expressed his recriminations and asked for her sorrow, but he never offered his sorrow, and he decides to go walk along the sea and chant his sorrow to the waves to be carried to Syrtanyelle’s ear if she ever decided to listen to his lament.

 

Oh beloved, I now realize I have hurt you too

I realize I have pushed you when you prayed me to give you space

I realize I have invaded you bringing such an emotional turmoil in you

you were forced to do things you hated yourself for afterwards

you were pushed into your most extreme retrenchments

and you had no other choice but let your survival mechanisms speak

and push me away

And the stronger I pushed, the stronger you pushed me away

Not out of hate, not out of animosity, not out of annoyance

Simply out of sheer pain and fear

I have brought in you unwanted pain, unwanted emotions, unwanted memories

you had long ago buried to be able to survive

I brought them to you without waiting for you to give me permission

to tell me you were ready, to welcome me

I have brought them to you forcefully, savagely

And the fear in you has been savage as the pain was too great to cope with

I now understand how one part of you must have been so, so angry with me

for forcing you to behave in ways you would have never wanted

for forcing you to start hating one part of yourself

for forcing you to push me away so firmly and be deprived of me

when you longed for my love too

Not only did I invade you with my love magic, but also your relatives and your friends

placing you in a position where you were forced to lie and hide

as they were not ready to accept the love magic

and you were not ready to show your nakedness, the true colours of your heart

as you yourself didn’t know what were these colours

and so because of my forcefulness you had to go even deeper in the things you disliked to do

you had to do even more absurd things to protect yourself from this pain and this panic

as though you were on a beach where a huge wave came crushing

your only option is to run, run, run, faster, ever faster

At the end one part of you, one part of me, know that we hurt one another so cruelly

to grow and grow along this path of love magic

but still another part cries because of the hurt and the fear

another part of us would like our counterpart to come hug and embrace us

and to feel his tears of sorrow healing our scars and our wounds

and so I would like to embrace you on my chest

and to tell you that the past has no importance my dear

and whatever you did to hurt me is forgotten, forgiven

and is a tiny drop in an ocean of love

I will kiss you and stroke you until the memory of this pain, of this fear

is forgotten, wiped away and you can surrender yourself to this love

The past has been a lesson my dear

and I will never push you again to anything

I will not step in your hurt

I will not send you missives

I will not come visit you

The only thing I will do and continue doing

is singing to the rivers and to the waves

and whispering to the wind and the clouds

so that if you choose to you can hear my poetry and retrieve yours