Drinking a cup of poison

You presented me with a cup of poison

and you told me, drink it

this is a poison that will heal you

I looked into your eyes and there I saw a resolve

too strong for me to fight

compassion and pity hidden underneath your anger

I still hesitated for a moment

but you gripped my hand with yours

and placed it on the glass

Drink it now, you said again

and without any other choice I drank this bitter cup

that set my throat on fire and brought dizziness to my heart

a thousand knives started cutting through my chest

in my arms, in my legs, in my stomach

and the fever reached my mind

Enough, enough I begged, I can drink it no longer

but your eyes contained so many tears

their water had formed a glazed wall of hardness

and you pushed the rest of the cup down my throat

and hell was no longer a concept

but something I lived and knew intimately within me

my entire body collapsed, my heart, my mind, my limbs

all refusing to work together, and mourning

mourning the greatest of all losses

I tried to cough and spit the poison, I tried to cry to stir your pity

but my body did not respond anymore

so deeply in the flesh the poison had cut me

and instead of tears rivers of blood rushed out

forming pools that smothered the rest of life in me

With a last effort I tried to look at you

but your eyes had lost all expression

your face became a distant haze until it entirely vanished

and you were forever gone from my heart

leaving me in my frigid aloofness

with no other choice than to abandon the rest of consciousness

I still had and sleep

A lifetime afterward I woke up

and my eyes could see the dawn of a new day

and I was surprised to notice my body responded again to my thoughts

my heart was beating and my mind buzzing

and my limbs were light, demanding to dance in fluid motions

so you had not lied to me after all, and this horrible poison was truly healing

but then I remembered the pain, I remembered hell

and suddenly I could no longer move my body so paralyzed I was

with this weight that had returned, this knowledge I was forever alone

that you had abandoned my heart and would never come back

and then I drank another imagined cup of poison

and I threw myself lifeless on my bed

I almost drowned in my pain, but a part of my spirit could still think clearly

what if you had never abandoned me

what if you still were in my heart all along

and I needed to look more deeply to find you

what if the cup you had made me drink was not a poison but a potion of love

that burns everything untrue and unloving in me

and lets me shine anew like a polished diamond

what if by forming the right thought in my mind, the right vow in my heart

I would see you again in front of me

as the walled tears of your heart break free

and pools of compassion form in your eyes

and you reach out with all your being to me in joy

as the wall that prevented to love entirely one another has fallen

 

 

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