The beauty of pain

The beauty of pain

For long we have danced together

shaking and moving our bodies on the different tunes

our soul composed for us

Sometimes our limbs twirled and spun graciously in the air

as we smiled at one another with our gazes and our lips

At other times the rhythm became too frantic to look at one another

and we just focused on keeping in synch with the music

At yet other times a dense mist wrapped us in blindness

and there our movements grew slower and sluggish

as even the music of our soul dimmed in our ears

and we found ourselves partnerless and lonely and forlorn

Underlying that mist, underlying that haste, pain is

a pain so deep we prefer to ignore than feel and live

a pain that makes us look away from one another’s eyes

and one another’s love, so scary its depth is

this pain is like a tree that takes root in our most ancient past

and which hundreds of boughs bridge the hundreds of existences

we have went through, and each time it is triggered

it reawakens a mountain of painful memories

For so long the sole thought of having a slight breeze

stirring the foliage of the tree of pain made us shut our walls

and bar our windows and retreat in a dark corner of our soul

waiting for the storm to pass, avoiding at all cost to look at

and see what happened outside

at the ghosts of the past that came screeching and lamenting at our windows

no we preferred to be deaf and oblivious to it

rather than suffer martyrdom again

But my dear, dance after dance, we have realized we would never be happy

if we did not agree to explore the tree of pain

and understand where each of its boughs lead

because once the pain is gone, this same tree

is going to be filled up with light and warmth

And so instead of hiding away when the storm knocked on our doors

we opened the door ajar and tried to look at this shapeless mass

of low dark clouds that showered the land with hail and frosted ice

we tried to understand the swirling patterns of the sandstorms

that buried our dwelling in heaps of dust

and beyond the angry hues of red and brown lightning in the sky

we could start to perceive a new landscape forming itself

or perhaps that landscape had always been there

but so scared and scarred were we

we had never seen it before

And there in this new view we found the answers we had been looking for

for the first time we saw the ocean and the marshlands

and we understood that the separation between them

was not so real as we thought it was

and deep down they both took their roots in the same place

And indeed, both the ocean and the marshlands

were essential to the ecosystem we realized

as the ocean provided life to fish and the marshlands to birds

and our happiness would not lie in sinking the marshlands under the ocean’s waters

or drying up the ocean until it became a marshland too

nay, our happiness lied in dancing at the edge between these two faces of the same world

on a sandy pebbly beach where our motions give birth to new storms

as the sand swirl and twirl around our dancing bodies and rises in clouds to the sky

and as the rain and the draught succeeded one another we understood

that our happiness lied in embracing both the ocean and the marshlands

of our spirit, and that one could not do without the other

the fieriness of the ocean was needed

but the quietness of the marshlands was equally important

and we understood that to bring these worlds into union

we needed to look into the eyes of pain and explore the tree that connected

the past to the future, and discover that each bough tried to grow toward the sun light

and each root tried to reach the well of love

And as we sing the most beautiful songs our hearts can dream of

the roots of our tree all meet in the same place of timelessness

and its boughs all become bridges with the heaven that we’ve been looking for since eons of time

and now we understand that each past life, each experience was necessary to let our tree grow

in height and in depth, and that this pain we so much feared was our best ally

in motivating our tree to always look for something else, something sweeter and more beautiful

giving it a direction in which to go, lighting the night with its thundery lightning

and now that we understand all that we see that the cathedral of our dream is almost complete

that the roots and the boughs almost form a circle

and once the circle closes itself pain will be no longer as its use will be gone

and then we’ll dance within this circle, this bubble of crystal and moonstone

made of the thinnest and the sturdiest of filigraines

that is as large as a universe and where our bodies do not age

and where the desires of our heart, the pictures of our imagination

become true all around us, and we understand that to step there

we need to ally vulnerability with strength, nakedness with beauty

and we see that the invisible hand of life has been guiding us all along

to let go of our shields and our doors and windows and dance freely within the sky

when the gale blows and the storm gathers

uncaring of the fury of the elements and the pain they cause into our bodies

because pain is not the ultimate reality, and as pain makes holes in our skin

and digs the earth with its roots we shall find pools of healing love underneath

which will heal us and bridge the ocean with the marshlands

the past with the future into the present

and our heart with our dreamt heaven

Give me your hand my dear and let’s dance this last round together

body pressed on body, gaze locked into gaze, lips kissing one another

let the world fall around us and burn us and slap us and torture us

and let’s be bound together into this love that is strongest than any pain can be

let’s show the elements we are not afraid of their rumble

and that we deep down know they are making their show

to marry us on the deepest level that can exist

and let us fulfil our destiny and our dream

Come and let’s look once and for all at the beauty of this storm

within the deepest part of darkness let’s find all the colours we had been looking for

and could not retrieve, and let no fear and no amount of pain separate us anymore

Come and let’s start dancing this last, eternal dance

where all pillars of our cathedral shall grow to maturity and join

and form the most beautiful and flowered roof on top of them

and let this cathedral become the entryway to the worlds of our dream

 

 

 

About Erik Vincenti Zakhia

Dear all, I will share with you many of my poems, short stories, drawings and paintings telling of my journey of self-discovery and my reflections about life, love, art, spirituality, sexuality, kundalini rise, and twin flames. They all fall within the realm of Hazen. May you have an inspiring visit!

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