Today I’m despaired and I loathe myself. I’ve done again all what I had sworn not to do. And she is far, far away from me, when I do it. And I become incapable of going anywhere near the Ghost Bridge. It’s so so depressing I want to bang my head against the wall, I’d like to rip open my vein. To punish myself, inflicting pain to my body, stifling a mental pain with a physical one. If only I had more courage, I would do it.