For years you’ve tried to strangle one part of yourself unknowingly
you built polders to drain the last marshes and gain ground on the sea
you stifled your inner fire with the haze you clung to
and you almost ruled out yellow and red and blue from your soul
leaving but gray and green and violet that you deemed safe enough
for years you’ve deprived yourself of pure emotions, of anger, sadness and joy
leaving yourself at the mercy of shallow emotions that couldn’t guide you as deeper emotions would
And yet, all this is my doing. The strangling, the stifling, and the grayness all occurred with my permission and my encouragement. So strong life prompted me in that direction, I did not even question it, acting on my impulses. Even when I understood, what hid beneath these impulses, from where they stemmed, what caused them, I still could not resist them. I still could not stop the hazing from occurring in your soul. But right now, it’s all so clear in my painting. I know this hazing has to stop, will stop, before it obscures all the colors from your soul. And soon, the process will reverse, and all the colors you thought bygone will blaze in your mind and your heart. For that, we need to work together. You need to accept your emotions, accept your feelings, resisting the fear, the urge, to swallow them. And I need to keep my focus at all time and resist all forms of hazing when they occur, by doing the right thing, by painting my truth and writing about it. Be strong, and I will be.