Separation’s Growth

Each time I give in to my shadows

I then must look for the bridge out the mist

and unfortunately it seems each time I am compelled on rioting you

even when I don’t think you deserve it


But well if I’m writing it means it’s deserved

using your favorite excuse my dear, that’s how my genetic code has been written

and I can’t do anything to change it right now

each time I fall I need to confront you to pass again to the world of light


You’ve been hiding behind a screen for months now

scurrying away in fright, raising fortifications all around your ears and your eyes

that was necessary you wrote, and I know

and it still is necessary my instinct tells me


I’ve been feeling the gap you left

I’ve written in length about it even when I wasn’t aware it was your presence I was missing

less your physical presence than your gift presence, or perhaps both

you’ve deprived me of many things I thought mine, but that’s not something new

and so I’ve had time to learn to do what I could do on my own and appreciate it and push and stretch it to see how far it could go

I wrote and wrote and wrote verses lacking musicality and lacking any story but my own

I learned to care less about spelling and word choosing, trusting more to my intuition, and spending less time in vain corrections

I learned to become more faithful in both myself and others, as I had isolated myself thinking I’d spend my life misunderstood, and that was based on a fear, a doubt and I’m glad I rediscovered and renewed my relationships with my close ones

I learnt to paint and express my emotions within the colors

I started understanding better my shadows and how they related between themselves and with this bridge with you, and how I was not truly incomplete, but just had this illusory feeling because of the area of darkness still in me

an area where I’m bringing light little by little, until I know myself entirely, until you know yourself entirely, and then you will grow again in me and I will grow in you because those are our natural places where to be

It’s still an ongoing process but I’ve been made some consistent progress and things are somehow clearer in my mind than they were last summer, even if I hesitate while writing this sentence, as they also are more complicated

So yes, you were right, I ended up surviving another time without you, even if it was hard, and I learnt a lot of things and became stronger

I had my first exhibitions too, and discovered that even if I liked discussing with people about my art, myself, my experiences, that was hardly all what I was looking forward

and to be able to get to know all myself, and get to hear your voice again, I need silence, I need duskiness away from neon lights, just focusing on the quietness around me and in my heart

it was necessary to experience the frenzies of life and social media, but now time has come to step away for a while until one day I can step again in the world with much more love to give, without waiting for anything in return, unconditional love that’s called

I’ve surely learnt and discovered other things, but the list is long enough for now

I’d of course like to read more of you if you will