A sliver of hope

It is strange how a little act of love

or a tiny act that is not of pure rejection

can give me hope and courage in this way


When I am desperately sad

I’m ready to crawl before you

and ask for peace at your own terms

I’m ready to make any promise you ask out of me

just to stop feeling so harshly and painfully rejected


Other times I want to break your defense

I become a warmonger and relish in my intensity

in my strength and in my courage

and I shower you with this fire

convinced that it’d thaw the wall of ice


If you give in, tenderness washes through me

but at the same time I’ve learnt to keep my guards high

and keep my intensity about

telling you what’s true and what ain’t


If you resist, I push with even more strength

I push and push and push

and you slap me back

and I continue pushing

but there’s a moment my shield of intensity breaks

and the scared child appears

and wants to run away or make peace


Are you listening to me

why are you listening to me

today I spoke to you for the first time

I spoke aloud I mean

I am so scared of hearing my voice, of seeing my face in the mirror

I hunch my shoulder and lower my voice to an unsteady beat

I thought that I needed to accept my voice for you to accept yours


That is my curse, or my blessing

it is only through yourself that I can love myself

the line is subtle and I often fall into the trap of asking you love me back

whenever I’m feeling empty or weak I start craving for your friendship, your affection, your love

and when you take them away from me I run away too out of pride or hurt feelings

and stop pursuing my love for you, my love for myself

Now I believe I’m coming closer to understand this lesson

my love for you is my gift, my only gift

it doesn’t need to be requited

all I need to do is embrace it fully and listen to its whisper to bring light and truth in my life

thank you for being here, thank you for everything

I love you runaway twin and that’s what matters

I love you to love myself

I love you to find my truth

I love you to be happy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s