A bridge between shadows and love

A soft voice whispers in my ears, in my mind

let go, surrender to the flow

open the fetish websites

block him, block this emotion

and it shall be all right


It is subtle at first and I try to ignore it

but it becomes more insistent

and suddenly I am enthralled by the promise of oblivion and wholeness and pleasure

soft, easy pleasure

I forget everything else, I forget that it will fulfill me only for a moment

and will pay it dearly later with the aftertaste it leaves

the sense of worthlessness it gives me as I realize I’m still too weak

still stuck in the same patterns that won’t bring me to happiness


Usually I give in to this voice after trying to resist for a while

understanding that any resistance will end up crumbling

as one part of me craves for the pleasure of oblivion very strongly

The only way not to give in, and truly push away this craving is writing, writing you

and I did it in the past

but yesterday I understood something new, somehow there exists a bridge

a bridge between the deepest of my shadows and love

and that’s the bridge I’m looking for in this mist

that’s the bridge I’m building with my words

I have found a way to avoid my shallow shadows, delving into the deepest ones

the ones that bring me closer and closer to love