Trapped in fears

turbulence_twin_flames_chantal_peguiron

A leaf has turned in the books of our lives

and from now on I will resist you and resist myself

along the steep slope of attraction

 

I’ve been telling you these words for more than one year now

and you’ve been sad and upset each time you’ve heard them

accusing me and throwing pillows at me

because of your inner wound that awakens and hurts each time you feel abandoned anew

 

Why do we still surrender before this attraction?

Me for the elation of fulfilling my cravings, for the temporary joy of forgetting all my burdening sadness

and being whole for a short moment, or having this illusion

my motives are entirely egoistic and self-centered

when I surrender I don’t do it for you, I do it for myself, on a conscious level at least

 

Why do you still clench at that attraction?

You do for egoistic motives too

You don’t trust my endless and eternal friendship and you need a more secure way to hold me fastened to you

to be certain not to lose my affection and my love

and so you want to keep the powers your body has over me

not because you love me, but because you’re afraid to be abandoned

 

This is not love

This is selfishness and fear

my true love for you

and your true love for me

dwell deeper within us, under this layer of fear

before to truly love one another

before to our friendship to shine anew like it has never shone

we need to get rid of all this graying mud, all these stones

that are cluttering the way to our heart

 

Trust to life

trust to me

trust to yourself

and let go of this attraction

and help me do the same

help me let go of this fear of being sad and empty I have

help me embrace all my melancholy

help me embrace this wound deep within me that has been preventing me of being happy

and I will help you to do the same

 

This is our friendship

this is our love

truly helping each other

and not hampering each other efforts acting on our fears

Let’s leave the past behind us

and turn a new fresh leave

where we will retrieve all our artistic flow

and write and paint and create more than we have ever done in our life

Relax your left hand clenching tightly at me

and instead use it to write

use it to bring upon you good fortune

use to paint like you have never painted

use it to pray and meditate and strengthen your faith

That is the only way to get out

of this waiting hazy room where we are trapped since a long time ago

it’s the only way to let go of all the anguishes that have been crippling us

it’s the only way to heal ourselves and our bonds with the people around us

it’s the only way to explore the worlds lying from the other side of the wall

 

Let’s be strong

as the mirrors and the companions we are

let’s be strong for ourselves

and for our twins of truth and love

 

Haven’t you missed him, the true him

the one you’ve briefly seen in life and in dream

the one you feel in your heart

the one who’s so tender and loving

the one who completes you with a gaze an embrace

living you content and fulfilled and warm and secure

haven’t you missed his presence

the sound of his voice in your heart and your inner ears

the touch of his heart on your heart, moving in your chest

the warmth of his presence in your head

can you remember all that

do you remember all that

don’t you want to be happy

and see me truly happy

 

 

“Turbulences” is a watercolor painting by Chantal Peguiron

Follow her on her newest blog by clicking here if you love her artwork!

 

About Erik Vincenti Zakhia

Dear all, I will share with you many of my poems, short stories, drawings and paintings telling of my journey of self-discovery and my reflections about life, love, art, spirituality, sexuality, kundalini rise, and twin flames. You will also come across many paintings by Chantal Peguiron that are intimately related to my artwork. They all fall within the realm of Hazen. If you like it, don’t hesitate to subscribe and follow me on social media! May you have an inspiring visit!

3 comments

  1. Wow this was simply beautiful. Absolutely incredible. Literally I have no words you are so talented please never stop writing and always share you incredible gift as you have done here! Thank you so much for sharing this and I can’t wait to read more from you!
    Followed 🙂

    Like

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