In the last days I’ve been swept away in my resolve by a strong Maelstrom, one that reawakened anguishes deep within. Each time, I avow myself defeated and capitulate before these anguishes, knowing they’re never going to last very long. But it’s wrong, it feels wrong. What I need is a more powerful Maelstrom to prevent the other Maelstroms from touching me, to block them in the distance. And the only thing that can do that is my love for you. The most powerful Maelstrom that exists in the inner landscapes of my spirit. My love for you that fuels me with the fierceness to resist and struggle and better myself. My love for you that fills me with violent emotions that I use as a combustible for my art.
I need to come into balance between my right and left sides. How to do it, I don’t know exactly. But I’ve been and will continue journeying on that path. And I don’t mind walking, as long as my mind is awakened and vibrant with the colors around. I don’t mind walking as long I enjoy the present moment without worrying about the future and the past, without the inner voices of my mind deafening me in their cacophony. You once told me to write about the urban dissonance, the horns, the building sites, the airplanes, the sirens. I now understand what you meant. The dissonance of modern cities is just an image of the dissonance within our own mind.
I write these words with rage as I type them. I write them with a growing determination. Like a virtuoso playing piano I punctuate my words with emotions and vibrations, sometimes quite as low as a whisper, sometimes raging and repetitive as the ocean breeze, sometimes melodious and graceful as singing birds. You can’t hear my words, but you can feel them thumping in your heart, dragging your hands where they are afraid to go, toppling you over the cliff you refuse to explore.
Tremble before my anger. Rejoice before this fierceness we have retrieved, this fierceness that will guide us among these heaps of rocks and debris, cutting across them like a shardblade. Let’s bring down this wall and reunite our hands and our gazes in a long sought embrace. Let’s perfect this dance we have been learning each on our own, and start dancing together among our words and our colors, our characters and our worlds. Let’s start singing too, these words we have been afraid to say for too long to the world.
The answer to all our queries, to all our troubles, is this Maelstrom of Love we must now strive to keep alight, aflame and raging. All our hearts desire is the Truth. Time has come to stop doubting ourselves and life. Time has come to destroy our shadows. Or find and follow the secret root transforming these shadows in love. Only this love will heal our deepest wound we have suffered from all our life. Only this love will bring all this brightness and happiness we wished for in our life, making the landscapes around us alive like in the most vibrant paintings. Only this love will make us fully alive, fully aware. Only this love will fill us to the brim and leave no gaping emptiness within us.
From the other side of the world I’m shouting to you tonight, I’m shouting you this vow of love and truth and beauty. Can you hear the echo of my voice in the night. Can you see a little more light in this cloudless sky. Can you feel your heart thumping with the warmth of true joy. Can you feel my hands pressing your temples, caressing your hair, hugging you tightly. Can you feel this silent shadow of you suddenly coming into life, as though we were not separated by an infinite distance, but close, so close we could contemplate the darkness of each other eyes and marvel before the depth and the gratitude we read there.
After so much time, so many hardships, we are united again my twin of wyrd, my twin of love and truth. After the last time we have been engrossed in each other words three years ago we meet again in a more ethereal form. We unite our hands finger against finger. Twenty fingers, twenty chords, twenty keys, twenty colors to paint and write and create. Lead the dance and I’ll follow you. Lead this dance of union on the rhythm our hearts have started to play, on the rhythm nature around is singing. A rhythm so deep and powerful it moves rocks and grows trees and infuriates seas. A rhythm that reasons in every cell of our bodies, in every corner of our soul. Let’s dance, let’s dance on this rhythm of infinity where words flow again as they used to flow in times of yore. Let’s dance oh my twin of love and truth. Let’s dance, oh my twin of all my dreams.
“Cielterre” is a watercolor painting by Chantal Peguiron
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