Rage

It’s again your anger against me I’m feeling and living

why are you so enraged though

you’re enraged at me, at yourself

for not doing what you ought to do

for not living as you should

as you promised yourself to live before coming on earth

you’re angry because you’re afraid I seek control over you

you’re afraid I’m going to push you to do things you’re not ready to do

you don’t recognize what I tell you

as the very voice of your heart

your heart that has gone silent a long time ago

and now only whispers from time to time

what I shout in your ears

the rage I channel in your blood

you’re angry at me for asking you to do things I can’t do myself

you’re angry at me because I’m such an hypocrite

and instead of living your wrenching anger

you block it, and I’m the one living it

cursing your very name and your existence every day

cursing all the stupid things you fill your time with

and thus I deserved my fate of dwelling in anger

since I lacked the wisdom to step away from that rage

and look beyond it to its deepest roots

roots that are shared between us

an anger that it is time you carry on your own shoulders

in your own throat, in your own stomach

free to you to die of ulcer at a young age

but stop, stop imposing it on me

 

Underneath this rage there’s an immense fear

the fear of being confronted with your true self again

the fear of reopening the deepest wound you had taken in the past

all those tears you have refused to shed

all this bleeding you have walled within your spirit

this wound you have hidden from the world

hidden from your very memory

you’re afraid, afraid to remember

to plunge again into its darkness

to feel lonely and abandoned as you have felt

no, you prefer your life of shades of gray

you’re a coward, as usual

if I saw you right now in front of me

I’d spit on your face and slap you

again and again until the physical pain

reawakens the mental and emotional pain

until an earthquake shakes all the walls you have built around your heart

and a tsunami fills it with waters again

destroying all the polders and the buildings you have developed

on what were sacred lands you weren’t supposed to alter

 

This poem I’m writing you is of a violence that won’t surprise you

since this same violence dwells within you

the violence of storms and cyclones and ouragans

the violence of volcanoes and earthquakes and tsunamis

but it may shock other people’s eyes and hearts

because they have dammed this violence they possess

deeply within them

As long as violence shapes words and colors

as long as violence is expressed as a roaring ocean

a furious gale within the inner steppes of our soul

it is constructive, beneficial, healthy, creative

violence becomes destructive when it is dammed

when it is contained and repressed

because it’s doomed to seep out from your inner walls

and it will come out in the world in a nasty way

sowing discord and ill-humor and unhealthiness

within and around

When you are angry, remember it is for a reason

perhaps the reason does not make sense rationally

but each of our emotion is a precious indication of life

anger tells you something within you, within your life

needs deeper reflection, needs to be changed

listen to anger, live it while understanding it

and you’ll be surprised to find underneath

a very deep sadness you’re determined not to stir

and protect, when you wear the shield and dagger of anger as a protection

As long as you don’t explore this hidden sadness deep within you

you won’t heal and you won’t be happy

We say past is gone

and yet past has shaped us, molded us

we’re a result of all our past, in addition to our soul

past needs to be accepted and understood and integrated

when you’ll pardon yourself, pardon all the people and circunstances

that have harmed you, then you will be in balance with your past

you will be able to live the present moment

without this tumulus of accumulated experiences and emotions

weighing on you

and you will feel freer and happier you have ever felt