Abandoned

uni chantal peguiron painting

Oh beloved

many years ago I’ve abandoned you

I left you alone to your tears and your sadness

a heart with no one else to share the pain

in the solitude of yellowed leaves and ink

 

I’ve abandoned you not of my own choice

but because fate had decreed it was time for me to leave this world

And once I passed the border to the spiritual world

I could see everything with clarity and our love shining despite my death and our temporal separation

 

But you, you were left to yourself

and despite the fervent faith you had in God

you mourned me in your heart

and you cried my loss

and your tears left scars

carved in marble

 

A wounded heart that’s what you were

that’s what you still are

Afraid of giving your heart another time

and being betrayed and abandoned as it had already happened

 

Already in the innocence of your childhood

you had loved your parents of unconditional love

and they had went split and gone their separate ways

leaving you alone yet another time in the deafness of your pain

this pain you couldn’t share with anyone, not even your child self

this pain you contained and bottled as a lake of bitter tears yet to fall

 

The pain of this separation reawakened the memory of the wound of the previous one

both times, you had given your love, your entire self

both times, life was replying to your faith with a cold slap on your face

And now, now you refuse to trust and love anymore

You don’t want to undergo such a hurt yet another time

A fear deeply ingrained in you

that is still holding you prisoner

preventing you from loving and embracing yourself

preventing you from being happy

 

All these years you’ve felt an emptiness within

A gap that only love can bridge

all you need now is letting go of this anger that still boils in you

pardoning your parents, pardoning me, pardoning life

pardoning yourself for being naïve and trusting and sensitive and loving

pardon, and faith will flourish again in your heart

and the Spring outside colors the fields in bright hues

this union between your mind and your body and your heart will occur

bringing your spirit to new heights you had only dreamt about before

revealing to your eyes mountains and valleys and lakes and rivers

from where inspiration will stem and spring

and it will be the sun of truth that will light your world

and it will be the sun of love that will warm your world

 

 

“Unit” is a watercolor painting by Chantal Peguiron

 

About Erik Vincenti Zakhia

Dear all, I will share with you many of my poems, short stories, drawings and paintings telling of my journey of self-discovery and my reflections about life, love, art, spirituality, sexuality, kundalini rise, and twin flames. You will also come across many paintings by Chantal Peguiron that are intimately related to my artwork. They all fall within the realm of Hazen. If you like it, don’t hesitate to subscribe and follow me on social media! May you have an inspiring visit!

8 comments

  1. As if these are words from my husband. Tears. Being a widow I feel this. Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

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