Reuniting with my twin flame – The Swan

Cygne Derborence - Chantal Peguiron - Flammes jumelles - Art

One day my paintress friend was in ***** where she visited an art exhibition

And there she found an old copybook of her twin soul the painter, by utter chance

And of course she opened it and went through its sketches and writings, and there she had a shock, the painter seemed to like men!

She wrote me, panic-stricken about her discovery

She had already been disappointed to know he was by thirteen years her senior, despite giving us the impression of being only a couple of years older than us when meeting him

And a couple of weeks after having got used to the age difference, it was a new blow to suspect he was homosexual

I was at work when I received her message, and started working out in my mind the problem

I knew twin flames stories could be quite surprising and weird, but that went beyond my expectations

I started forming a new theory within me, deciding that homosexuality for the painter was a fetish, as I myself had a strange attraction to slight weight gain in women

Perhaps it was the same for him, perhaps he was attracted by something in men, but being physically or emotionally attracted doesn’t equate to loving truly

This deep and intense love I felt for my writress twin was something that went beyond any other form of attachments, and I imagined that if the painter felt that for my paintress friend, his homosexuality would vanish away

The same night I met with Chantal and surprisingly she had already recovered, and told me that in a way she trusted life and had faith in her love, even though of course one part of her doubted everything

What if she had too much imagination and had made up everything after hearing my story?

I tried to reassure her on that, even though one part of myself doubted her too, I felt that she was genuinely on the same journey as I was

She had a passion for painting that was equivalent for mine for writing, and she had this fast intuitive mind where she’d pick up my ideas and compliment them in her delicate poetic imaged way

We were surprisingly complimentary, and even though I couldn’t write, I did not feel emptiness thanks to our long discussions about life and love

What helped me too is that I had altogether stopped opening social media, and I had not masturbated since my last contact with my twin flame two months before, and I felt empowered by my resolve

One day my paintress friend saw a molting swan while running along the lake and she felt a strong emotion as she perceived him as symbolizing her painter, as though he wasn’t grown up yet and he was about to undergo a metamorphosis

And of course she painted that strong image, a mountain swan, as for a long time she had forgotten her love for mountains, only retrieved after the vision she had in front of the painter’s canvas picturing a tall mountain in the silence of dusk

She decided to give him her watercolor

The perfect occasion was an organ concert we were going to in ********, the painter’s town, but he wasn’t there

At the end, my paintress friend decided to send it to him via the post at his old abandoned factory

The mountain the painter had painted was called Derborence, a real mountain that exists in Switzerland, and that has inspired a novel by Ramuz, that we had discovered the first time we met

The painter had told us he had decided to paint Derborence before visiting the place, and I had asked him whether he had imagined the scene, but his reply was that he had inspired himself from pictures, disappointing me slightly

Chantal held another philosophy dear to her heart, for her it is almost unthinkable to use pictures to paint, because it makes paintings stiff and frozen, when her watercolors are all about spontaneity and motion

And afterwards she wondered how come her and her twin soul were so different, one painting huge oil canvases, and the other little watercolors

Meanwhile my story wasn’t progressing, except through Chantal’s progress

I had no news of my writress twin, nor did I try writing her

The only thing worth mentioning that happened during that month of July is that I tried to meditate, following Chantal’s advice, and felt a weird sensation that reminded me of a disagreeable heaviness I had once felt sleeping when I was a young teen

That had scared me off meditating, as I felt it was not for me, or at least I was not ready for it

And the other thing I noticed was my dwindling energy level, feeling sometimes entirely empty emotionally

Opening the way to intense, irrational stress related to my work, as I had nothing to focus on because of the silence of my soul

One night I felt an intense stress, just before taking off the next morning to join my family in Italy

The stress was so intense I couldn’t sleep, and suddenly I understood, I understood

This horrendous anguish wasn’t mine, it was hers, hers, my twin flame’s anguish

I somehow intuited she was afraid about being alone, afraid of the deafening silence around her

I climbed to the forest park above my house lit by a clear starry sky and a cool wind

It wasn’t far from where the writress girl used to live during the few months she had spent in Lausanne, one year and a half before

And there I laid down in the grass and watched the sky and the dancing blades of grass lit in silver, and I closed my eyes and breathed and breathed

And suddenly I felt entirely calm, in a bubble of quietness

It lasted for five minutes perhaps but it was extremely agreeable

And I spoke to her, I spoke to her in my mind, telling her not to be afraid

Afterwards I rose from the too cool and dewy grass and sat on a nearby bench

And there I felt again an inkling of what I had felt while meditating, and my perfect quietness was gone, even though the deep anguish I had lived didn’t return, not that night, nor in the following weeks, and I felt something had healed

You can continue your reading with the next chapter reuniting with my twin soul – Kundalini Awakening

If you haven’t read the first chapters of this story, you can start with chapter 1 – meeting my twin soul – The Dream, or the previous chapter, Four Paintings

“Cygne Derborence” is a watercolor painting by Chantal Peguiron

 

 

About Erik Vincenti Zakhia

Dear all, I will share with you many of my poems, short stories, drawings and paintings telling of my journey of self-discovery and my reflections about life, love, art, spirituality, sexuality, kundalini rise, and twin flames. You will also come across many paintings by Chantal Peguiron that are intimately related to my artwork. They all fall within the realm of Hazen. If you like it, don’t hesitate to subscribe and follow me on social media! May you have an inspiring visit!

5 comments

  1. Pingback: Reuniting with my twin flame – The Four Paintings | Erik Vincenti Zakhia

  2. I just liked this phenomenal article. This a great blog for me to follow.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Pingback: Reuniting with my twin flame – Kundalini Awakening | Erik Vincenti Zakhia

  4. Great work, really enjoyed that
    Troy

    Liked by 1 person

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