Meeting my twin flame – Maelstrom and Allnighters

nébuleux chantal peguiron flammes jumelles

The warmth and gentleness of her words reassured me

And I continued to write her about my reflections, my past

And she wrote me too, once per week or once every two weeks

She told me afterwards she had been surprised by my reaction about her vultures fable

She had been used to my intuitions about her being always correct, expressed with strength

And suddenly I had turned inward, becoming self-aware and my insecurities and weaknesses had resurfaced

She told me too that in a way she was pleased by male attention, it showed she was still attractive, more attractive even after splitting up with her former boyfriend, because she was finally growing into her true self and feeling freer than ever

She was slowly confronting her fear of silence, taking half a Sunday to walk in a natural reserve on her own, something she had never dared to do before

Around that time I read the Harry Potter novels for the first time because they were her favorite books when she was a kid

I had never read them before because I didn’t like to behave like other children and carefully avoided their most popular activities and readings

And beyond I had sort of a block with fantasy since I had stopped believing in Santa Claus and my childhood dreaminess had been blown away

I immensely enjoyed reading about Harry’s struggles in this fantasy world so close from ours, I identified with him, because of the strange things that were starting to happen in my life

I had started my job a couple of months before and I had slowly became entrapped into a negative routine of working, and reading during all my free time till late in the night, taking less time for walks and runs in nature, less time to ponder about what I was going to write her

And when I didn’t read, I gave in to another craving of mine, watching videos or reading stories about my slight weight gain fetish and masturbating

It wasn’t helping that all my energy, all my willpower was squandered during the day, feeling trapped in a workplace where what I was required to do did not quench the thirst of my soul and instead left it more parched

It was also my own fault, of course, I still had a lot of things to understand, to discover about myself, before becoming strong enough to follow my dream without drowning in my emptiness

At around that time I wrote her three short stories, trying to reimagine her life before the divorce of her parents, when she was seven year old, during the divorce, and afterwards

She had no memories of that period and felt she had a great emotional blockage within her she couldn’t get rid of or heal on her own, and I desperately wanted to help her

I had tried asking her many questions, pushing her to reopen this heavy matter with her parents who were still traumatized of what had happened and seldom spoke about it, to no avail

I was left with my imagination and my writing skills and my empathy with her, and I put myself in her situation and imagined how it would have affected me, how I’d have reacted

And she told me she had loved reading my three little stories as she could feel an emotional recognition, even if she had no memory

She told me in that letter about her passion for Norse mythology and Maelstroms, these strong currents of life that affect you without even realizing that they’re diverting you off from your dream path

She told me too about the tree of Yggdrasil and the Dream River that connects all levels of reality together

To say the truth, I had another approach to existentialism and life meaning than her, but in a way I now realize our ideas rejoin one another on a deeper level

She told me too she had been forced to do her first all-nighter despite swearing to herself she’d never do it

And this period of intense studying had left her entirely drained, physically and emotionally, she had troubles reconnecting with her real self

She had written a short story for a contest in Dutch, and she told me she was translating it to me in English

And she concluded her letter by telling me, swearing to herself, she was determined to grow into her true self, determined to write more and more, to learn to be with herself without perceiving silence as quietness before the storm

I was happy and reassured to read about her determination, and yet doubtful she’d translate me her short story since I had experience translating from one language to another and knew how tedious I found it

And the next three weeks passed without getting any news from her

You can continue your reading with the next chapter meeting my twin flame – No!

If you haven’t read the first chapters of this story you can go to chapter 1 – the dream or to the previous chapter the Vulture and the Hare

“Nébuleux” is a watercolor painting by Chantal Peguiron

About Erik Vincenti Zakhia

Dear all, I will share with you many of my poems, short stories, drawings and paintings telling of my journey of self-discovery and my reflections about life, love, art, spirituality, sexuality, kundalini rise, and twin flames. They all fall within the realm of Hazen. May you have an inspiring visit!

One comment

  1. Pingback: Meeting my twin flame – the Vulture and the Hare | Erik Vincenti Zakhia

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