Existential answers

I’ve wondered about life’s meaning since when I was seven year old

After I learnt my great grandfather I used to love passed away

The shock of this realization sent my mind in turmoil

Shattering all what I had previously believed, all what my family had taught me

And submerging me with a string of unsolvable existential questions

Was life a good or evil thing?

Was there a God on top of all things?

What happened after death? And what about those infants who died right after their birth or in the belly of their mothers?

Did we keep our individuality, our consciousness?

And if eternity existed, didn’t we get bored?

And so and so on…

These questions did not stem from quiet, intellectual curiosity

They were rather an anguished research of truth with an important premise: I desperately wanted life to be good and fair

Which meant I needed to believe in God or in some higher entity

Life after death played an important role too, for it was a promise to correct all the unfairness in earthly lives

And an inner battle started in me, one that was too great a burden for a child to bear alone

This battle sometimes raged for a few days, a few months

And was interrupted by lulls that could last for years

But deep down I knew I was hiding disregarded issues in dark dusty corners of my mind

At those times, I desperately avoided thinking about the matter

And the simple mention of God or big bang or solar system’s end by a teacher was enough to send me in turmoil

Often when the questioning became too unbearable I shared it with others around me

I remember waking up my parents in the middle of the night when I was seventeen almost crying and asking them if they thought God existed and what was infinity

My father had a lot of patience to reply soothingly to my endless doubts, telling me I needed to have faith in God and accept the mysteries of life

My mother shied away from these discussions, perhaps because she also hid the same unresolved questions

It was then, at seventeen year old, that I decided to believe

Listening to the whisper of my heart and disregarding the voice of my reason

For roughly seven years my resolution stood fast

But as with each truce, there’s a moment it is broken

And doubts submerged me yet another time

I lived one month of turmoil in Paris, requestioning all what I thought and believed

Until I reached a new understanding, pacifying my heart with the world’s apparent unfairness

 

Life is a journey on the boundless ocean of the cosmos on a ship called earth

A journey on which each passenger sees the vessel from a different perspective

Some view it as a compartmentalized space where people are separated by their nationality, religion, wealth, sexual preference, skin color, tribe, family, and whatever else

And go as far as bickering and fighting to control a bit more of a deck or a corridor

Others realize earth is not one huge vessel to control, but billions of little boats that have come together to cross the ocean separating the land of birth from that of death

These boats may seem similar to the unseasoned eye, but they are in fact each entirely unique, having undertaken this trip for whole different motives and purposes

Some of these boats may be equipped with map scraps or a compass to navigate and guide

Others are furnished with enough cushions and blankets to share, and so on

Each boat has a special attribute, but many have not yet discovered theirs

 

Nothing happens out of chance I believe

Each situation in life is here to remind you of the lessons your soul wants to be confronted with and slowly learn

Eventually the aim of each soul is to discover its unique gift, this powerful dream with which you were born from the start

When you are practicing this gift, time around nearly stops and the world goes mute and your inner whisper becomes a melody, a song

Your heart fills with love for truth and beauty and all you want to is delving into your dream and sharing this wisdom with others

 

On earth each of us plays a role, a role to which humans give a weight

Decreeing for instance that the banker or the politician or the engineer is more important than the beggar, the janitor or the waste collectors

The day waste collectors stop picking up the garbage for good, you realize that is not exactly true, but never mind

In the spirit world, the world where we came from and are returning to, it is the same

Each soul plays a role

But up there it is a perfect world, one where you don’t work to earn your living or a social status

You work because you love what you do, you work because you’re the only one who can do the job you are doing, for each soul’s gift is unique

Eventually, as souls grow up in wisdom, they start to create worlds

Someone will give shape to the mountains

Another one will conjure forests that grow there and animals roaming under the high canopy and across brambles, or flying among the highest boughs

Another one will draw rivers and a lake where all water accumulates

Another one still will take care of clouds and precipitation patterns, accompanied by the painter of dawns and sunsets

Still other ones will give life to an intelligent form of life on that inhabited planet, and novelists will write the background and story of these characters that are destined to take life in flesh and bones

Of course it is not as simple as that, and for each task a countless number of souls are needed

And souls work in perfect telepathy with one another, they know exactly what the other is doing and what they should do

Thus holding together the reality that surrounds us in such a stringently coherent and beautiful manner

In fact, all you see around you, even yourself, your body and brain continuing to function, all this reality is held together by many many souls, it is held together by love, love for beauty and truth, and for us, growing souls

We have forgotten that for we have incarnated in a physical body, we are confined in our own mind, and for a while this telepathic link and bond that we share with all others has been lost

We fear and think that we are poor mortals for whom time is running away

From our body and mind perspective, it is true

But from our soul perspective one life is just a tiny fragment of eternity

It is a harsh experience we have willingly chosen to live in order to grow in our wisdom a little further

Or at least, that’s all what I’ve come to believe

About Erik Vincenti Zakhia

Dear all, I will share with you many of my poems, short stories, drawings and paintings telling of my journey of self-discovery and my reflections about life, love, art, spirituality, sexuality, kundalini rise, and twin flames. You will also come across many paintings by Chantal Peguiron that are intimately related to my artwork. They all fall within the realm of Hazen. If you like it, don’t hesitate to subscribe and follow me on social media! May you have an inspiring visit!

6 comments

  1. C’est très beau Erik!
    Je suis contente que tu l’aies continué!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have elaborated your experiences, your journey and your transformation really well.I loved reading everything you wrote. It makes me feel that I am not alone to think this way and also makes me hopeful, that someday I will also be able to transform my thoughts the way you did. All the questions that you have mentioned here are a reflection of my questions and doubts. My mind somehow seems to agree with your conclusions especially , “from our soul perspective one life is just a tiny fragment of eternity”. It’s just that when emotions become too powerful, they outweigh every logic and every understanding that our mind applies. Someday, God will only teach me and help me to come out of this conflict between my heart and mind.
    I am glad that our paths crossed , and I met you. Thanks for sharing this post with me and for all the help you are providing.

    Liked by 1 person

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